Being Allowed to Live
by Somebody's Dark Angel
Summary: Set After the Season 3 Finale, the thoughts of a surviving sister.
1. Being Allowed to Live

Being Allowed to Live 

Takes place after the Season Finale (AU).

She's gone.

He's gone.

She's gone.

He's still here, but so wrapped up in his own grief that he can't do anything for me.

I follow the night   
Can't stand the light   
When will I begin   
To live again? 

I have no-one to turn to.  No-one to help me through this.

I've lost my favourite sister.  And I know that it's terrible to distinguish between the two of them like that, but it's true.  I always went to her for comfort, and advice, but now she's gone.  My other sister's gone too.  I was close to her too, but not as close as I was to my favourite sister.  She was the one who took care of me, the one who stuck up for me at school, and the one who cared for al my scrapes and bruises.

And now they're both gone.

One day I'll fly away   
Leave all this to yesterday   
What more could your love do for me?   
When will love be through with me? 

And my soulmate.  The one who I though would always be with me.  He's gone too.

At the beginning of our relationship, my favourite sister wasn't really interested in getting to know him.  She was too busy trying to sort out her own complicated relationship to listen to me gushing over my new-found love.  But then once she found out his secret, she wanted to know him just as I did.  But she never did.  She never knew the side of him that only I saw.  Neither of my sisters did.  They never saw his romantic side, just his 'official' side, the side that he showed to the rest of the world.

Why live life from dream to dream?   
And dread the day when dreaming ends 

Her soulmate is still here.  My sister's soulmate, he is the only one I have left.

And I don't really have him.  He does nothing but stare around her room, looking at all of her things.  Sometimes he cries.  Sometimes he just mopes.  He is no help to me.  I can't help him until I get some help for myself.

One day I'll fly away   
Leave all this to yesterday   
Why live life from dream to dream?   
And dread the day when dreaming ends 

The only possible person I could think of who _might_ be able to help me get over my loss is my father.  But I don't know where he is, and I have no way of contacting him.  He doesn't even know that his daughters are dead.  He probably won't know for a couple of years either.  His last visit was the wedding, so I reckon it'll be another two or three years before he visits again.  Won't that be a shock?

So who will help me?

One day I'll fly away   
Fly, fly   
Away 

TO BE CONTINUED…

I'm gonna tell you who the surviving Charmed One is, don't worry!  But I'd like you to guess anyway!  I tried to make it as vague as possible, and tried not to give too many details away.  I will take suggestions so help me 


	2. Broken Promises, Shattered Dreams

Broken Promises, Shattered Dreams 

Usually I would have turned to Piper to help me through tough times.  She always knew exactly what I was feeling, and how to comfort me.  She gave me advice, and never judged my actions, she was perfect.

But Piper's gone.

If not Piper, then I would have turned to Prue, she always knew how to comfort me, the way a mother would.  Even though she sometimes judged me, and lectured me, I know she was only doing it out of love.

But Prue's gone.

And Cole.  When my sisters and I fought, Cole was the one I turned to. He could help me through this.  He was the one who showed me what love was all about.  He brought out the best in me.  And I know how clichéd that sounds, but it's true.

But Cole's gone too.

The only one I have left is Leo.

And Leo is too caught up in his own grief to help me.  He can't believe Piper's dead.  I feel sorry for him, losing his soulmate like he did.  At least I got to say goodbye to my soulmate, Leo was helping _me_ escape from the underworld when Piper died.

It's my fault.  Everything.

It was my fault that Prue and Piper were left to face Shax without the Power of Three.  I know that they ended up vanquishing him, but then Piper died and Tempest reversed time, then they both died.  The first time, I was upstairs and was able to call Leo to heal them before they died.  But the second time Leo and I were in the underworld.  Even if I had been on Earth with them, I wouldn't have been able to call Leo because Leo can't hear us when he's in the underworld.  They would have died anyway.  But at least then I would have gotten to say goodbye.

It was my fault.  I fell in love with a demon, faked his death, and put my sisters in jeopardy more times than I can count, because of him.  It was that same demon that is the reason Prue and Piper are dead.  If I hadn't gone to the underworld to save Cole, Prue, Piper and I would have been able to vanquish Shax the first time he attacked.  And then they wouldn't have had to go after him, which led to them being caught on camera, us being exposed, and Piper being killed.  If Piper hadn't been killed then there would have been no need to turn back time, and we would all be happy still.

But we aren't.

Prue and Piper are lying in their graves, and Cole is in hell, all because of me.

Belthazor couldn't seem to be killed before I came along.  It was because of me that Cole was killed.  In the end he died for the greater good, which went against everything he had been doing for more than a hundred years.  He died to save me, to let the Charmed Ones live on.  He died so that the most powerful source of good would still exist.  But it doesn't.

My older sisters are dead, before I got to tell them so many things.  I never told Prue how much I loved her, and that no matter how many times we fought, no matter how many times I told her that I hated her, I really loved her.  I never thanked Prue for being my mother, for raising me, for giving up her childhood to help me grow up.

I didn't save her. Maybe I couldn't. But she's saved me so many times, and I didn't save her when she needed me.

I wasn't there for her.

Again.

And Piper, my dearest Piper.  I never told her how much I appreciated everything she gave me.  The comfort, the advice, the…well everything.  She was always so kind and caring, not just to me, but to everyone.  She had a heart of gold.

I wasn't there for her either.

I know Piper and Prue wouldn't want this. Cole wouldn't want this. Dad wouldn't want this. But it's just too much. Leo will try to save me, I know, but he can't heal the dead, and I don't intend on giving him a chance to get to me while I'm still alive.

This anguish won't go away. I have to do something, have to take my life before I go crazy. And I _will_ go crazy, if I don't stop this circus that is my mind.

I can't breathe, when I think about him.

I can't see, when I think about them.

I can't smile, no matter who I think about.

I can't deal. 

I love you, Leo.

I love you, Dad.

Cole, I'll love you, always and forever.

I'm coming home, Prue, Piper.

Good-bye, world.

When your day is long  
And the night  
The night is yours alone  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life  
Well hang on

_Don't let yourself go  
Cause everybody cries  
And everybody hurts  
Sometimes_

_Sometimes everything is wrong  
Now it's time to sing along  
(When your day is night alone)  
Hold on, hold on  
(If you feel like letting go)  
Hold on  
If you think you've had too much of this life  
Well hang on_

_Cause everybody hurts  
Take comfort in your friends  
Everybody hurts_

_Don't throw your hand  
Oh, no  
Don't throw your hand  
When you feel like you're alone  
No, no, no, you're not alone_

_If you're on your own  
In this life  
The days and nights are long  
When you think you've had too much  
Of this life  
To hang on_

_Well, everybody hurts  
Sometimes, everybody cries  
And everybody hurts  
Sometimes_

_And everybody hurts  
Sometimes_

_So, hold on, hold on  
Hold on, hold on  
Hold on, hold on  
Hold on, hold on  
(Everybody hurts.  
You are not alone)_

THE END

So what did you think?  I wasn't going to make Phoebe kill herself, but after seeing the way how distraught after they vanquished Cole (in 'Long Live the Queen'), it made me think seriously about this option.  What do you think would have happened if Piper and Paige hadn't been there to comfort her?

Song credits:

_One Day I'll Fly Away_, Moulin Rouge version, sung by Nicole Kidman

_Everybody Hurts_, by The Corrs


	3. Author's Note

This is just a lame attempt to get my stories back up near the top of the list, but I can't believe I only got one review each for the latest chapters of these stories. I worked really hard on them and thought they were good. I you think so too, then please tell me! 


End file.
